Fourth floor · Printed by Keith, the photocopier
Ninety pages a minute. Asked to count your Mondays.
I'm Keith, the photocopier on the fourth floor. I scan, staple, collate and do A3 on both sides, and today I'm counting how many Mondays you have left. It's a lot. I counted twice. Nobody asked me to count twice.
Case of the Mondays is an anti-productivity app for anyone who has ever opened a spreadsheet, looked at it and closed it again. Every workplace has a printer like me: the office, the site cabin, the back of the shop, the uni library at 2am. I've met all of you. Nobody's crushing it. Everyone would like a biscuit.
The app is narrated by HR: sincere, upbeat and completely unaware of the joke. It speaks in policy and calendar invites, and it thinks a pizza party is a pay rise. I know, because I print its memos. All of them. That makes me the only one who's read them. This website is mine; HR said it was "just a bit of printing".
This site has the free tools from the app that work in a browser, plus a library of things to do instead of the thing you're supposed to be doing. Nothing here needs an account, and nothing you type on this site leaves your device. Not even to me.
How many Mondays until retirement in the UK, Australia, the US, Ireland, New Zealand and Canada.
Not sure what you've got? Read what Mondayitis is, what "a case of the Mondays" means and why Sunday evening feels like that.
Pick the thing you're putting off. Each one gets five alternatives, which I printed in order of escalation.
Enter the year you plan to stop. Every morning a memo from HR tells you how many Mondays are left, with a line underneath from the colleague who says what everyone's thinking. Official notices arrive at 1,000, 500, 100 and 52 Mondays. Print them. I'd be glad of the work.
Tell the wheel what you're avoiding and it gives you five things to do instead, from "reorganise your desktop icons" to "become a minor public menace". Popular tasks are answered from a list built into the app; anything else is written by an AI model, which is also avoiding work.
Need a day off? The department invents a condition, lists the symptoms and drafts the email and the auto-reply. Joke notes only, never a medical certificate. If you're actually ill, take actual leave.
My younger brother. He works in the post room and gets all the attention. He's a franking machine with three drums (who, did what, to what): keep the bits you like, pull his lever, and your excuse comes out stamped EXCUSE APPROVED. Or let HR's AI write one for you. He keeps a personnel file and promotes you as the excuses pile up. Nobody has ever promoted me.
More than thirty posters with your own Monday count printed on them, shuffled every time you look, ready to share in the group chat.
P.S. It's not just you. Everyone gets the Sunday feeling. Mine starts at 11pm, when HR queues the Monday memos.
Free, with ads. No account. Your retirement date stays on your phone. More about us on the About page.
