Form

EX-3000 · Excuse, processed

Processed by

Keith, fourth floor

Status

Approved, against my advice

Funny excuses for being late to work

The best excuse for being late is one nobody could believe: "The office printer shredded the spare key." Pull the lever below for another. Each one is made from three drums of office words, so you'll rarely get the same one twice.

Twelve excuses, already processed

1. My past self buried every one of my passwords.
2. The office printer shredded the spare key.
3. A strongly worded fridge note unplugged my laptop charger.
4. The Monday all-hands reply-all'd every one of my passwords.
5. A wasp with a grudge composted the 9am stand-up.
6. The damp put a password on the only working lift.
7. The self-checkout filed a formal complaint about the shared calendar.
8. The office printer reply-all'd my bus pass.
9. The damp circled back on my reading glasses.
10. My smart fridge booked a 9am about my motivation.
11. The self-checkout put a password on the spare key.
12. The replacement bus archived my van keys.

Questions

What is a good funny excuse for being late to work?

One so obviously made up that nobody could mistake it for the truth, such as "A wasp with a grudge composted the 9am stand-up." Absurd excuses get a laugh; believable ones get a meeting.

Should I use these excuses for real?

No. They're jokes for the group chat. If you're actually late, a short apology and an honest reason works better, and so does leaving ten minutes earlier tomorrow.

How does the excuse generator work?

It works like the Excuse-O-Matic 3000 in the Case of the Mondays app: three drums, WHO, DID WHAT and TO WHAT, each with a list of office words. Every pull picks one from each. It runs in your browser and sends nothing anywhere.

The honest tip

If you're late more than once a month, it isn't the shared drive. Set out at the time you'd leave if you needed to be early, and treat arriving on time as a pleasant surprise. I've been on time every day for eleven years. I live here.

Related: joke sick note generator, out-of-office message generator, what to do instead of work.