- To
- Anyone currently doing the laundry
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Doing the laundry
What to do instead of doing the laundry
Your laundry basket has reached capacity and is now operating as a chair. Washing takes forty minutes. Folding takes a decision. I fold too: letter, Z-fold, gatefold. Nobody has ever asked me to do a fitted sheet, and I have never volunteered.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHPair the socks. Give the singles a brief, respectful nod.
- RABBIT HOLERead up on how the spin cycle was invented.
- TANGENTDry one shirt with a hairdryer and call it progress.…because heat.
- NEW LIFEGo to sea and wear the same jumper all season.…because sea air.
- FULL ABSURDITYHold a funeral for the lost sock. Invite the other socks.…because closure.
P.S. The odd sock has gone wherever my staples go. Nobody has ever found the place.
Also avoiding
- Instead of washing the dishesStack the plates by diameter so the pile looks like a decision.
- Instead of cooking dinnerReread the recipe, then check the oven can still reach the temperature it claims.
- Instead of meal preppingLine up every plastic container and hunt for the matching lids, then stack them by size.
- Instead of mowing the lawnCheck the forecast for a dry window, then a drier one, then give up and check again.