- To
- Anyone currently cooking dinner
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Cooking dinner
What to do instead of cooking dinner
The ticket printer in the restaurant over the road gets two hundred orders a night and never has to decide what anyone's eating. At home, somebody has to, every night, for no pay and constant feedback. It's 7pm and the fridge contains a lemon, some mustard and an idea.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHReread the recipe, then check the oven can still reach the temperature it claims.
- RABBIT HOLELook up why a recipe's 'serves four' has never once fed four.
- TANGENTStand at the open fridge until a better idea cools down.…because inspiration.
- NEW LIFEBecome a food stylist, where dinner is lit for hours and never eaten.…because plating up.
- FULL ABSURDITYInterview the frozen peas about their long-term plans.…because they were meant for tonight.
P.S. The recipe said thirty minutes. I printed it. The recipe had never met your oven, or an onion.
Also avoiding
- Instead of vacuuming the houseEmpty the vacuum's dust bin, then inspect the contents like a detective with no leads.
- Instead of moving houseLabel one box 'miscellaneous' and spend the evening deciding what qualifies.
- Instead of doing the Christmas shoppingBuild a gift list with columns for budget, recipient and regret. Leave every cell empty.
- Instead of cleaning the bathroomLine up every half-used shampoo bottle by height and decide which ones are 'nearly finished'.