- To
- Anyone currently doing the Christmas shopping
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Doing the Christmas shopping
What to do instead of doing the Christmas shopping
The Christmas music started in the shops in October, and it has worn everyone down, as intended. Your list has twelve names and a budget of whatever's left after rent. You'll buy someone a candle. They'll buy you a candle. Every December I print the secret Santa names. HR draws itself every year. Nobody has asked how.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHBuild a gift list with columns for budget, recipient and regret. Leave every cell empty.
- RABBIT HOLEFind out why shops put out tinsel in September and who keeps allowing it.
- TANGENTWrap an empty box and shake it thoughtfully.…because gift wrapping.
- NEW LIFEBecome a department store Santa, where everyone else does the shopping.…because I know what they want.
- FULL ABSURDITYWrite the dog's wish list to Santa and post it up the chimney.…because it's still a list.
P.S. Wrapping paper does not go through me. I've been asked. Every year.
Also avoiding
- Instead of cleaning the bathroomLine up every half-used shampoo bottle by height and decide which ones are 'nearly finished'.
- Instead of doing the laundryPair the socks. Give the singles a brief, respectful nod.
- Instead of cleaning the kitchenReorganise the spice rack alphabetically, then by heat.
- Instead of washing the dishesStack the plates by diameter so the pile looks like a decision.