- To
- Anyone currently preparing a presentation
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Preparing a presentation
What to do instead of preparing a presentation
The presentation is twenty minutes long, for people who'll be answering emails. You've spent two hours on the template and one minute on what to say. Slide 1 says 'Agenda'. Slide 2 also says 'Agenda'. I've printed both, six to a page, as handouts nobody will turn over.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHTest the clicker on every wall in the building, just to be sure it reaches.
- RABBIT HOLELook up the longest recorded speech to a captive audience and note how the room held up.
- TANGENTAlphabetise the meeting room's spare cables and label the mystery ones.…because technical difficulties.
- NEW LIFEBecome a stage magician's assistant, where the slides vanish and nobody asks questions.…because the big reveal.
- FULL ABSURDITYTeach a sock puppet to take questions from the floor and give it a lanyard.…because Q&A.
P.S. The clicker has never worked in that room. I have, every time.
Also avoiding
- Instead of writing the quarterly reportDesign the cover page. Three versions. Pick the first.
- Instead of fixing the printerSwitch the printer off and on again, then stare at it as if it owes you an apology.
- Instead of doing mandatory trainingOpen the training portal, check the deadline, and close it again feeling informed.
- Instead of tidying your deskTest every pen and retire the dead ones with full honours.