- To
- Anyone currently paying the bills
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Paying the bills
What to do instead of paying the bills
Payday arrived at 9am. Rent day arrived at 9:04. Paying the bills means opening the envelopes, and opening the envelopes means knowing what's in them. The red ink on the front wasn't me. I only print red for the fire drill. It's not just you. Everyone gets the envelope feeling.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHGather every envelope into one pile and arrange it by how threatening the logo looks.
- RABBIT HOLEFind out why a bill of exchange once counted as money, and who was left holding it.
- TANGENTRearrange the fridge magnets into a tidy row of ambitious little invoices.…because things stuck to the fridge.
- NEW LIFEBecome a bird-ringing volunteer, where everyone gets a small tag and nobody asks for payment.…because settling up.
- FULL ABSURDITYPay the sofa a compliment for every cushion it has loyally supported.…because credit where it's due.
P.S. If you'd like the leaflet, I'll print it. It's a good leaflet. Nobody gets told off.
Also avoiding
- Instead of doing your taxesSort your receipts folder by colour, then by mood.
- Instead of calling the bankFind the right phone number. Then find it again on a different page.
- Instead of getting up earlySet seven backup alarms for tomorrow, each a slightly different shade of optimistic.
- Instead of going to bed earlyPlump the pillows into the exact right shape, then go and check the phone charger.