- To
- Anyone currently going to bed early
- From
- Keith, fourth floor
- Printed
- Tray 2, single-sided
- Re
- Going to bed early
What to do instead of going to bed early
Tonight you'll go to bed early. You've said that every night since the clocks went back. The evening is the only part of the day that's yours, so you hold on to it until 1am, on principle. Nobody is judging the hour. HR is asleep.
Five alternatives, in order of escalation. I printed them single-sided, as instructed. Work down from the top. Number five was HR's idea.
Five approved alternatives
- USEFUL-ISHPlump the pillows into the exact right shape, then go and check the phone charger.
- RABBIT HOLELook up why the 'witching hour' is blamed for everything that goes wrong after midnight.
- TANGENTWatch one more episode, strictly as research into cliffhangers.…because just five more minutes.
- NEW LIFEBecome a night-shift baker, where 4am is the sensible hour to be awake.…because early is relative.
- FULL ABSURDITYStay up to interview the owl about its work-life balance.…because someone should keep it company.
P.S. HR's memo says screens off by 10pm. It reached my tray at 11.
Also avoiding
- Instead of getting up earlySet seven backup alarms for tomorrow, each a slightly different shade of optimistic.
- Instead of learning a new languageBuy a phrasebook and read only the page about apologising.
- Instead of reading a bookFind a bookmark worthy of the book, then audition three receipts for the part.
- Instead of starting a dietRead every label in the cupboard and rank the biscuits by how much they have to answer for.